Monday, February 28, 2011

Waiting For the End To Come

A couple of days ago I found this great new song Called, "Waiting For the End to Come" by Linkin Park.  It really hit me immediately and pretty much explains how I feel right now.  The whole song is great, but these words especially hit me.
Waiting for the end to come 
Wishing I had strenght to stand 
This is not what I had planned 
It’s out of my control
Sitting in an empty room 
Trying to forget the past 
This was never meant to last 
I wish it wasn’t so
I know what it takes to move on 
I know how it feels to lie 
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new 
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Right now I just really need a new start.  I am headed in a better direction.  I am at a crossroads, trying to pick the better path.  Some things you just don't have any control over.  You can't control other people, but you can control your response.  We don't plan on being challenged, but that is part of life.  We are tested to make us better.  Each person is responsible for their own actions.  I am responsible for what I do.  When you're in a tough spot, I know how it feels to wait for the end to come.  You can't wait for the day when that weight will finally be gone.  The struggle is what comes next.  What happens when you finally decide to make a correction in your path?  It can be lonely and confusing.  Sometimes you feel alone, but you really aren't.  Old habits can be hard to break.  When they're gone, you really see what's left in your life.  What's left are usually the most important things like family and friends.  Sometimes you just have to hold onto something you haven't got.  It's something you don't have right now, but is a goal.  Hold on to your ambitions.  Sometimes that's the only thing that can keep you moving forward.  The most important thing is to move forward.  Move on and don't look back.  Remember the mistakes well enough to not repeat them, but don't dwell on it.  It's gone.  I'm stronger.  Focus on being better every day.  Focus on the positive and don't ever go back to the bad that you have overcome.

Listen to the whole song it's really good.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Everyone Can Love on Valentine's No Girlfriend/Boyfriend Required

Lately, all I've been hearing from the TV and the people around me is, "I hate Valentine's Day" or "Singles Awareness Day is coming up."  There was even a survey I saw that said they associate Valentine's Day with loneliness and depression.  Come on, why is everyone turning this day of love into a day of comparing yourself to others and self-pity.

I have actually always loved Valentine's Day.  When I was little I would take all of my Valentine cards to school and put one in each person's box.  That night was always my favorite.  I would "kick" Valentines on all of my friends doorsteps.  Then my grandparents and my parents would always ring our doorbell and leave each of us a treat.  I looked forward to telling my family and friends how much I love them and of course getting Valentines.

Valentine's Day is about love, and not just the love between couples.  It's about love in general.  There are a lot more people out there that you love and that love you.  I know it can be hard to be single.  It's hard to not have that significant other on Valentine's Day.  I don't, but I'm ok with it.  Right now i don't need another person to complete me.  I'm still learning plenty about myself.  

This isn't singles awareness day.  This isn't a holiday created by the greeting card companies to make an extra buck (It goes way farther back than that).  This is Valentine's Day, and this year I want to take it back to my childhood days, and I encourage you to do the same.  Celebrate love.  Take time to show your love for all of the people you care for.  This year I'm going to have fun on Valentine's Day.  I"m going to "kick" Valentines just like I used to.  Don't stay alone at home.  Make the most of it and remind your friends and family just how much you love them.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Am Not A Nobody

Tonight at Institute a kid got up and said, "I am a nobody, nobody here knows my name, I just go to Snow College."  He kept going on and on about how insignificant he was and I felt bad for him.  I don't know if that was his intent, but I did.  I thought about this for a while and reflected on my feelings on the issue.  I honestly have never had that exact feeling that I am a nobody, and no one else should feel that way either.  I definitely have my self doubts, but I have always felt like I can make a difference.  I may not know my full purpose on earth and may never completely know it, but it doesn't mean that I don't have a purpose.  Everyone has a purpose.  Everyone is here for a reason and we all have something unique and special to offer.  

When we think small and tell ourselves that we are nobodies we are limiting our potential.  This takes me back to my favorite quote by Marianne Williamson.  

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

It is only when we tell ourselves that we can't that things become impossible.  We can only achieve as much as we set our mind to.  When we dream big, understand that we can make a difference, and push ourselves to achieve our goals and the ones the Lord has set for us; we realize that we are a somebody. Each of us is unique.  Each of us has an impact on our world and those around us.  You are somebody.  You are special and don't let anyone else tell you any differently.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Closure On A Memory: The Holiday Inn

This last weekend I went with my choir to sing in St. George for the UMEA Convention.  Stuck in St. George with no car or any transportation whatsoever, we had to make our own fun.  We all thought we were stuck on the edge of town, but when we started walking on Friday night, I found out I was right in the middle of where my family would spend a lot of time in St. George.  We used to go quite often, but haven't as much the last few years.  In the middle of this area was the Holiday Inn.  My dad's friend was the manager at the Holiday Inn and that's where we would stay every time we would go to St. George.  We would stay their every Easter, every time my sisters had a softball tournament, when we would go to Tuacahn while my sister was teaching there, and innumerable other times.  

I have so many memories staying that hotel.  Every Easter the hotel would have an Easter egg hunt for the kids staying there.  Two years in a row, with the help of my older sisters, I found the winning egg and won the grand prize of a giant stuffed rabbit.  The tennis court at the Holiday Inn is where I first learned to play and love tennis.  At the hotel they have an indoor/outdoor pool.  You can swim under these flaps and suddenly be swimming outside.  My sisters and I would spend hours at the pool.  My best friend from elementary school moved to St. George, soon after he moved I went to visit him and the Holiday Inn is where I last got to spend time with him.  I have always seen it as an escape, a place where I could spend time with my family and have a lot of fun.  My dad would always say that our idea of camping was to go to the Holiday Inn in St. George and really it was.  Other families may have gone camping to bond and have fun together, but my family's trips did the same and more for us.  

About seven years ago my dad's friend passed away.  We no longer had a connection at the Holiday Inn and it reminded my dad so much of his friend.  We went less and less all the time up to the point where we completely stopped staying there.  I haven't stayed there in a few years, but I knew it was still there.  I could always go back if I wanted to.  This time walking down St. George's Bluff Street, something was different.  The Holiday Inn sign was missing from the skyline.  A blank space was there in its stead.  I thought to myself, "maybe their sign broke," but as I got closer their marquee said, "Welcome to the Lexington Hotel."  I wondered, "what is the Lexington Hotel?  That's the Holiday Inn."  It had changed.  After being a St. George landmark on Bluff Street for many years it was gone.  Some other hotel chain had moved in.  I couldn't help but to walk in and see it one more time.  The furniture and feel of the lobby was different.  The gift shop where was gone.  The arcade where I would go spend my change was gone.  The air hockey table in the loft where was gone.  The tennis court was gone, replaced by an over-sized tacky event tent.  What had Happened

Whether I liked it or not, I now had closure on all of those memories from my youth, but I realize that nobody could ever take those memories from me.  The venue that I associated many happy things with was gone, but my memories weren't.  Life always moves forward whether you like it or not.  Things change constantly.  I am so happy I have those memories, but it's time to make new ones.  I can find a new place to escape with my family, new and old friends, and future family members.  I can start a new tradition, move on, and enjoy the newness and change life always brings.  Nothing is permanent, but our families.  I am so thankful that I have so many family members surrounding me all of the time.  I hope I never lose any of them.

The New Lexington Hotel (that signs not there yet they have just photoshopped their sign on the Holiday Inn picture)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Bring On the Rain

Welcome to my blog.  Life can be really tough, but the way to survive is to take what we get and make the most out of every situation.  Sure we may have challenges, but so does everyone else.  What we face may not be the same or as difficult as someone else's, but everyone has to face the challenges they have.  Instead of hiding from the difficult things in life, see adversity as an opportunity.  It is a chance for growth, a chance to face our fears.  Find the positives in your situation, adapt, and push forward.

Remember and tell yourself, "Tomorrow's another day and I'm thirsty anyway so bring on the rain."